ABA Journal: 5 Ways Motherhood Has Leveled Up Your Lawyer Skills, by Hon. Kimberly McTorry (Felony Associate Judge, Harris County, Houston):
As a lawyer mom of four, I am all too familiar with the angst derived by a question as small as, “What are we going to eat tonight?” You have spent your entire day lawyering and solving other people’s problems, but somehow this is the one that topples the tower—not because it’s burdensome but because the question is a glaring reminder that at least one aspect of your life is a mess. My work is done, but I haven’t fed my kids. Or I made it to every game of the baseball tournament, but I missed the important fundraising gala.
As guilt-provoking as the latter thought is, it’s undeniable that there are a plethora of professional opportunities that happen off the clock.
For many working moms, the joys of motherhood are accompanied by feelings of anxiety, exhaustion and inadequacy. Raising good humans is an honorable and necessary job, but sometimes it feels like it’s at the expense of your career or professional aspirations.
In an ABA study of more than 8,000 lawyers, an overwhelming 60% of working mothers thought that being a mom negatively impacted the way that their co-workers view them.
It can be difficult to articulate these feelings without running the risk of sounding like you’re complaining. Moms—especially new moms, are faced with the dichotomy of joy and sadness that motherhood sometimes brings. You’re experiencing the overwhelming joy and love that come with nurturing a child. But on the other hand, you’re grappling with the loss of agency you once had. And it’s OK. These feelings are normal and valid.
Motherhood changes you, but it’s not always in the ways that you think. We are our biggest critics. But as I’ve said to many prospective jurors, “Feelings are not facts.” From one mom to another, you may feel like you’re losing, but let’s discuss all that you have gained from motherhood. Here are five ways that being a mother has enhanced your skills as a lawyer. …
Motherhood will be filled with the fuzzy moments and the fretful moments. But we must continue to give ourselves grace.
Don’t aim for perfection. Aim for presence. Sometimes that means working late, and other times that means turning your phone off to roll around the floor with the kids. On the toughest days, try your best to shift your perspective. Embrace the lessons that you’ve learned, and continue to recognize the ways that being a great mother has helped you become a great lawyer.
