This week’s teaching tidbit shares a lesson that Professor Susan Keller of Western State College of Law taught me. Professor Keller, my first law professor mentor, gave me brilliant advice for responding constructively to an angry student email. Professor Keller taught me to respond to the version of the email I wish the student had sent.
Many of us have had to deal with angry, aggressive messages from students, and it can be hard not to feel defensive. For example, imagine I received the following email, “Professor Schwartz, you promised your final exam would be fair, but you tested us on issues we never discussed in class. You lied to us.”
In responding, I would imagine that the student had actually written,
Dear Professor Schwartz. I regret not doing as well as I had hoped on your final. I struggled on your final exam because I could not see the connection between the question and what we learned in the class. I want to avoid having that experience again so I am hoping you can you help me see the connection that I missed.”
That reframing would allow me to respond with empathy for the student’s disappointment as opposed to responding defensively. As a result, I would be more likely to express support and offer coaching about how to read exam questions and think about analogies between the facts in exam hypotheticals and cases.
I have applied this advice in many other contexts. For example, when a conservative alumnus responded angrily to my use of pronouns in my email signature, I responded as if the alumnus had written “Dean Schwartz, I am genuinely curious about your choice to include your pronouns in your email signature. It isn’t something I would do, but I am sure you have good reasons.” I responded as if the alumnus had written such an email, asked the alumnus for an in-person or zoom meeting to share the reasons for my choice, and we had a productive zoom conversation a few weeks later.
As another example, when a parent responded with anger, insults, and demands to our university’s decision to hold an online commencement event because of COVID, I responded as if the parent had written, “I am so proud of my daughter, and I was looking forward, with all that has been going on, to celebrating her via a traditional commencement ceremony. I am very disappointed and want to understand the bases for your decision.” It was easy for me, as a parent, to empathize with the parent’s disappointment and respond with kindness, understanding, and an apology that the circumstances had required the university to move the commencement online.
Finally, when a student wrote an angry email to a McGeorge staff member, threatening a mass protest and social media campaign because the staff member was planning to award promised gift certificates from a restaurant chain the student perceived to censor a particular facet of political disagreement, I convinced the staff member to respond as if the student had actually written,
Dear Mx. _________, I am writing to express my concern about your plans to award the promised gift certificates from __________ restaurant chain. You may not be aware that __________ has dealt with political dissent in ways that some of my peers and I find offensive. Here is a link to more information: http:/________. I am hoping, in light of this additional information, you will reconsider, but, of course, if the gift cards have already been purchased, I am hoping you will provide an alternative option for students who do not feel comfortable supporting _______ by accepting one of these gift cards.
The staff member responded as if the student had written such a message, and the staff member did so very effectively. The student (and the student’s peers) were satisfied with the staff member’s response, and the issue went away.
Professor Keller’s method has almost never failed to improve things when I have received an angry message, and I will always be grateful to her for this lesson in building bridges to students, faculty colleagues, alumni, and, come to think of it, relatives.
